Hello from Park Royal Pickering.
Today is Junrong and my 8th paktor anniversary and we are cooped in the hotel room because he has not cleared 14 days after his second jab.
I decided to do up this blog post because i really miss blogging and I want to take this opportunity to do something I never find time to do at home.
I looked back at all the drafts in this blogger account and I realised that I have not completed soooo many drafts on the various topics I was writing halfway about - parenthood, my birth story, finland and the list goes on. I guess I must have been someone who is too distracted by the ongoing things happening in my life, living in the now and future.
So, I have been going to visit a therapist.
I have kept it very low profile but I never intend to hide it from anyone. I openly share about it with my secretary, some of my agents, my boss, my parents and of course some friends whom I am in contact with.
In essence, I visited her because I want to further improve all the relationships I have in my life, not that they are bad. But, after so many years of working, I realized that my responsibilities might have changed me inside out and something has been missing in me since I don't know when. I simply wanted to get in touch with a deeper self through her.
The sessions were super eye-opening.
I got to understand that innately, I don't love myself and have deemed myself as an unimportant person who does not need love. It was a very interesting discovery because I never thought of myself that way or rather I do not usually have time to think for myself. It was a very crucial discovery because she told me if I don't know how to love myself, how do i love the people around me well. Trueeeee.
I also got to know that my body works constantly on a fight or flight instinct. My mind takes over my heart at almost every instance so that my emotions are protected at all times. My environment and situations have polished this survivor reflex very well as a defense mechanism. The sessions were good because they have helped me unclog my emotions and let them flow in a safe setting.
The therapist also helped me see a clearer picture of myself in my childhood and teenage years and even resurfaced some unhappy memories that I have completely forgotten during my younger days. I was super shocked at this unearthed memory the most because even though it was not a traumatic memory, it was one that I felt sad about for a long time. I now finally believe that one can really choose to forget and bury an unhappy memory deliberately. It was important for me to unforget it because if I keep doing it subconsciously, I might make it habitual and dementia will come looking for me sooner than I want.
Finally, I also managed to find out from deep down at the core of my heart, which were the 2 moments/periods in my life that I was at my happiest. I flashbacked and now I know what I really want my financial freedom years to be like.
Off we go for a jog now!
IG highlights on: https://www.instagram.com/s/aGlnaGxpZ2h0OjE3ODk1OTA0MDMzODExNTc2?story_media_id=2656057794643310366_1597764&utm_medium=copy_link
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